Tides of the heart
by dantemalfoy
Summary: AU of Twilight. No vampires or werewolves. Jakeward slash. Three years ago, Edward left Jacob to get engaged to Bella as he struggled with his sexuality. Today, they meet again on First Beach as tempers flare.
1. Chapter 1

_AU of Twilight. No vampires or werewolves, which means NO imprint.  
**Warnings:** rough language, non-explicit violence, drama, Bella bashing, NC-17 in next chapter. _

_This will be a two-parter. I'll post the conclusion in the next few days. Enjoy!_

* * *

The readout counter feels heavy on my hip as I glance down at the bright numbers flashing at me. The oxygen concentration seems a bit off; must be the unusually cold winter we just had. I take a deep breath, my brows puzzling in thought as I enjoy the briny scent of this stretch of First Beach. The soft breeze coming from the ocean raises goosebumps on my neck as I crane my neck to look for the Scripps Oceanographer that's supervising the layout.

There's nothing, though, beyond the lonely sea stack half a mile offshore, the heavy clouds above lending it a ghostly sheen.

Joanne must've gone to the other end of the beach to check out the boxes of instruments, so I fish out the mobile that's tucked inside the waistband of my Speedos and give her a call.

"How are things at your end, Black?" she mutters.

"Dr. Hayes, the readings are off. The oxygen in the seawater is way below the readings from last year."

"You checked the instrument in the buoy?"

"I haven't yet."

"Then do so, Black. It might be a faulty connection. I have to confess I'm worried, though. The dead zone could be growing faster than the computer models predict."

"Will do so, Dr. Hayes."

I shimmy out of my sweatpants, sliding them down my legs and flipping them off my bare feet. Put down the readout counter, the mobile, and my baseball cap on the knapsack. Then I run towards the sea, my feet squelching on the rough sand until I reach the shoreline.

I pause for a sec, my heart clenching painfully when I glance at the rock shaped like a bear just to the left. This is the spot where Edward and I had lots of fun, back when it seemed he cared about me, when he said he would come out to his family and we would be able to make out in the open.

My toes clench around the sand, the texture just as rough as the day he fucked me after our picnic, muttering dirty words in my ear as he plowed me hard and fast until I came, his rough whispers mixed with sweet promises which he never fulfilled.

Poised on the edge between earth and sea, a shiver runs up and down my spine and I pretend it's the cold breeze kissing my chest, but it's really the painful memory of the day I received the invitation to Edward's wedding. I'm sure Bella sent it to me, the bitch that crawled up from Arizona to lay her claws on Edward - or rather the Cullen money.

I shake my head to get rid of these memories. This was three years ago when I was a kid in high school, easily susceptible to puppy notions of love. Life has taught me harsh lessons, though. So I glare at the horizon and concentrate on the job at hand as I wade into the sea, my skin welcoming the slick feeling of the waves crashing against my thighs, wetting my black Speedos, and then caressing my abs and torso as I return once more to my old friend, the ocean.

Gotta admit my clothes are too laid back for a guy that's just finished community college and is angling for a scholarship to the Marine Biology program at the University of Washington, but they're very practical since I'm the go-to guy who fixes instruments in case of failure, which often involves swimming around to check they're functioning correctly.

I swim towards the buoy which is anchored half a mile leeward of the sea stack. The bracing cold water around me reminds me of the tongue-lashing Dad gave me three years ago when he caught me moping at a picture of Edward and I on the beach.

"You're just gonna sit there and let that boy walk all over your heart?" he'd said with a frown. "The great-grandson of Ephraim Black?"

"What can I do, Dad?" I snarled. "The guy won't ever come out to his father, the mighty Dr. Culllen! He'd rather be hitched to that girl and pretend he's daddy's golden boy."

Dad rolled his wheelchair towards the table next to the ratty couch and picked up the wedding invitation, glaring at it before he swiftly ripped it apart.

"Hey!" I protested weakly.

"Don't tell me you're gonna go to the pale faces' powwow and cower on the corner while Edward marries that washed-out excuse of a tramp?"

I worried my bottom lip at that. Billy knew me well; I'd hoped to get a last glance at Edward.

Dad studied my face, and then he crossed his hands over his lap. "Quil and Embry are worried about you, you know. They said you won't go to the cliffs with them."

"Not in the mood, Dad." I sighed. "The guys got too caught up in the dare I proposed: Diving down the cliff whenever one of us passes an exam or scores with a girl."

"Or a guy," Dad said sharply.

I blushed at that, recalling my friends' ribbing the day Edward asked me out. Of course we celebrated with a dive. One day, the older guys at the Rez saw us clowning around atop the cliffs and slowly joined us, first Jared and Paul, and eventually Sam Uley. It was male bonding at its best, feeling the rush of air against my face as the sea rose up to greet me in its rough embrace, knowing my friends above would jump down at once if something wrong happened.

"I don't understand teenagers," Billy mumbled with a scowl. "What's the attraction on diving down that spot?"

"It's your fault," I said, the corner of my lips curling up in a crooked grin. "Remember all the times at the bonfire? The way you go and on about traditions, our forefathers that built those huge canoes and sailed forth to catch big fishes?"

"I didn't think you were paying attention those nights, son." Dad shook his head ruefully. "Anyway, what does it have to do with cliff diving?"

I tilted up my chin to gaze at the ceiling, slouching down on the coach. "The way you talk about the sea… it makes me be near it, you know. Guess that's why I push for the guys to join me in the cliff. Dive and then swim in the sea, since I can't sail in a ship. Last year I even wanted to carve a canoe out of that huge oak near the Quillayute. Quil and Embry thought it was too much hard work and didn't want to help." I shrugged. "And I can't do it on my own."

Dad narrowed his eyes at me, his lips pursed in a thin line. He finally said in a soft voice, "You don't need a canoe to sail the seas, Jacob. I know I'm an old man fixed on his traditions, but there's a whole new world out there."

I cocked my eyebrows at him, not knowing where he was going with the conversation.

"You're not doing badly at school," he said. "Though you spend too much time horsing around with your friends, even going to the length of getting that tattoo." He paused to eye the tribal tattoo on my right shoulder which one of the Elders drew for us. It was our god Q'wati in wolf form.

"Embry came up with the idea." I shrugged. "The guy doesn't talk much, but when he does, you'd better listen to him. It was the same day we christened ourselves the Pack in honor of the wolf legend."

Dad smiled at that. "Harry's a great storyteller, huh?"

I nodded slowly. Seth and Leah's father really sold us on the legend, and of course Seth wanted in on the Pack. Being my honorary kid brother, it fell on me to convince the others to let him in. Sam resisted the idea with all his might, pointing out Seth was too young to go cliff diving with us, until his girlfriend Leah forced him to. Gotta admit that girl was tough as nails and had Sam wrapped around her little finger.

"Be that as it may, I want you to look to the future," Dad said slowly. "Use the resources of the real world to your benefit, get an education. What are you going to do after you finish high school?"

"I'm not sure, Dad." I refrained from telling him that with Edward walking out on me, I'd been more worried about him than my future.

"Well, go to community college then. Harry has a friend in Seattle that swears by that school."

"What about the money?" I said.

"I have some savings." He lifted up his hand. "Not that much, mind you, and you'll have to work part time, but I know you're able to - the way you take care of the house and me."

"Dad," I said with a big lump in my throat. "What about you? Who's gonna take care of you?"

Billy waved his arm in dismissal. "I'll call Rachel and Sarah. It's high time those selfish girls pulled their weight around on this house, the way they just up and left without a thought and left their kid brother alone to take care of a sick man! They have a long way to go before they earn my forgiveness; high time they started doing so."

"But their lives…"

"They aren't doing much with themselves; your sisters are as clueless as Bella, that wimpy girl that took Edward from you."

* * *

oOoOo

The strong eddy that pulls at my legs brings me out of my reverie. I'm very close to the spot and the currents around this place are dangerous. Swim the last yards to the yellow buoy bobbing up and down straight ahead. I paddle with my hands until I reach it and splay my fingers on the corroded plastic, my thumb and forefinger loosening the butterfly screws that hold the panel secure.

Reviewing the mental list in my head, I check out that the cables are connected, the LED lights of the small motherboard function correctly, and that the microchip is wedged tight.

After checking the wires that lead downward from the buoy, I notice nothing wrong, and then I tighten carefully the screws, pushing gently on the flares to make sure the screws seat correctly on their threads.

Then I twist my shoulders and tuck my legs under my abdomen before heaving up my torso and diving shallowly face down, lifting my head to take a breath now and then as I kick my legs dolphin-style, my arms moving in a forward circle as I swim away from the buoy. Love the drag of the sea on my torso, the swaying motion of my body as the waves lift me up and down, the white spume that peppers my face when I take shallow breaths on the way to the shore.

The sea helps me heal and renews my energy.

I reach the shallow part of the shore and stand up, the water reaching to my chest. Shake my head with a mighty heave to get rid of the salty water and rub my eyes. Then I start walking on the sand, taking care to avoid the sharp pebbles that pepper this stretch of First Beach.

Glancing up, I notice a tall guy next to Joanne. His shadow covers her completely and his gangly silhouette seems vaguely familiar. A stray sunbeam falling through the heavy cloud cover strikes sparks off copper hair, though. I hitch my breath, my heart beating madly like wild orcas against my ribs.

Edward's here! A big wave pushes me forward and I almost stumble, my feet catching on a rock at the last second.

What the hell is he doing here? Recalling the pain he put me through, I square my shoulders and stride out of the water, my feet making squishy sounds on the sand.

I stroll towards them and turn to Dr. Hayes, ignoring Edward when he lifts his arm to shake my hand.

"Checked the electronics and cabling, and it's all working fine, Dr. Hayes."

"Thank you, Jacob," she mumbles, pushing up her glasses with her thumb as she leans down to swipe her finger on her iPad, a stray strand of her white peppered hair flopping down from her bun. "I'll check out with my colleagues at the University, but I'm afraid this is bad news. The dead zone seems to be spreading."

Ignoring the lanky figure of Edward standing a few feet away from me with his hands stuck in the pockets of his slacks, I try to keep my attention firmly on her.

Dr. Hayes glances at Edward over the rim of her glasses and she must notice something in his expression, for she waves her iPad at him.

"The dead zone, my dear, is a part of the ocean that has very low concentration of oxygen. I'm sure you realize the implications. Low oxygen means fewer algae, less food for fish. In short, it creates a zone devoid of life," she says with the calm voice she affects for her lectures at the university.

"Why is it spreading, though?" Edward says with that smooth voice of his. I can't help but shudder at the memories his sweet tone evokes, cursing my treacherous body at the same time. Edward was always too smart for his own good.

"Excess pollution ends up in the sea and causes overgrowth in algae which then dies." Dr. Hayes says sharply. "This ties up oxygen which is then unavailable for microscopic life in the deep. Less plankton means less food for fishes and mollusks."

"I see," Edward says noncommittally. I glance at him, and at that moment the ambient light causes his eyes to seem slightly blue; a similar shade to that of the sea I love so much. I curse my imagination while Dr. Hayes keeps talking, and thus miss her initial words.

"… the amount of dead zones in the oceans around the world keeps growing, though." She leans down to glance at her iPad, and her thumb swipes diagonally across the screen, calling up a chart. "Computer modeling suggests this may have to do with Climate Change, so we've established a net around the world with colleagues from universities and research institutes abroad to watch this development and refine our models."

Edward just nods, shivering minutely when his gaze strays down to my crotch.

Dr. Hayes turns to me and waves at the sea. "Thanks for your work, Black; that'll be all for today. We need to check the readings at Second Beach tomorrow to be able to upload the results to the server at the university so they can be cross-checked."

She turns to nod at Edward. "You should be proud of your friend, young man. He's a small part of the whole monitoring network, but his skills are surely appreciated."

"Thank you, Dr. Hayes," I mumble, shuffling my feet on the sand.

She walks towards the path that will take her out of the beach and into the road, pausing for a moment to call out over her shoulder, "By the way, Jacob, I have it from a good source that the Scholarship Committee will accept your application."

I beam at Joanne, very tempted to walk up to her and give her a bear hug. "That's great news, Doctor. Thank you!"

"You had better keep quiet about it until you receive the official notification, Black." She gives me a mock glare. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

The sounds of her footsteps fade among the low rumble of the surf as I balance my body on the balls of my feet.

The awkward moment holds until I glare at Edward. "How is your lovely wife, by the way?"

He shudders, his eyes widening. "My wife? What do you mean?"

"Bella, the awkward girl that captured your oh-so-straight heart," I snarl at him. I ball my fists, and when the knuckles brush against my bare thighs, I realize I'm only wearing my Speedos.

"Didn't you know?" Edward says softly as I walk past him to dress. I shake my head violently while I put on my sweatpants, harshly pulling them up and then leaning down to grab my baseball hat which I plop down on my wet hair.

"Guess you're a proud father now, aren't you?" I mumble while I step into my trainers and bend down to lace them up, shoving then the readout counter and the mobile into my knapsack.

"What do you mean? Didn't anyone tell you?" Edward says in a small voice.

"Tell me what?" I spit my words at him, holding the straps of the knapsack as I walk to get out of the beach, shoving him hard with my shoulder as I make my way to my car. "Frankly, I don't care. Have a good, straight life, loser!"

Edward whimpers brokenly; the sound which should feel me with elation only makes me sad. Not as sad as when I got the fucking wedding invitation though. The memory makes my blood boil as I thrust my chin at him and narrow my eyes.

"Why should I listen to your sweet words which mean nothing; so you can trap me again?" I growl low on my throat. "Guess Bella doesn't give you what you want, huh? She has no cock you can suck, unless the empty-headed bitch wisened up enough to buy a strap-on."

"Jacob, wait, please!" The sound of his broken voice makes me stop.

I'm so angry at him and myself too! I imagined this scene so many times in the dark months after he left me. Pictured myself gloating at him, making him suffer for all the pain he put me through when he cut me off without any explanation to court Bella. But his broken voice pulls at my heart like it has always done, and it hurts so much to see him broken!

Revenge sucks, when the thought of breaking him to pieces makes me ill.

"I didn't marry Bella," he says in a wavering voice. "Matter of fact, after you disappeared, I called off the wedding."

My heart throbs painfully at that, and I hunch down my shoulders, my knuckles white around the strap of the knapsack. "For your information, I didn't disappear. I moved to Seattle to start community college. You could've asked Dad or texted me."

"I tried, Jacob, I tried so very hard." His soft whisper is almost drowned by the surf. "I called your dad but he hung up on me. I visited him but he closed the door on my face, several times."

"So what?" I say in a low voice as my grip slackens around the leather of the straps, realizing Dad never told me that Edward was looking for me.

"Alice deleted your phone number from all our phones." Edward sighs. "I confronted her, but she was intent on planning my perfect wedding with Bella and didn't listen to me. She didn't repent, even after Rosalie slapped her."

"Rose did that?" I whisper, a fond smile tugging up the corner of my lips. Blondie and I traded sharp barbs like mad, but most of the time it turned into a contest for the wittiest retort, and she also couldn't stand the sight of Bella.

"One day, I saw your friends going to that cliff you're so fond of and I followed their car to ask them if they knew where you were, but then…" he trails off, and something in Edward's voice makes me turn sharply and step towards him, the strap sliding through my fingers so the knapsack falls down to the ground with a plopping sound.

"What happened?" I say hoarsely, but Edward doesn't answer. Instead he lowers his chin, his cheeks blushing a bright red.

"Forget it," he whispers brokenly. "They were only defending you."

I narrow my eyes when I recall Quil texting me out of the blue one Friday morning, insisting I should come over for a special dive. The guys were all secretive and gave each other high-fives, but when I pushed them for answers they just shrugged. They never told me Edward was looking for me. If I had just been able to read their minds, I would have found out the truth – Paul's smirk should've tipped me off.

I reach out my hand to cup Edward's chin and gently tilt it up so he faces me. "They beat you, right?"

He sighs deeply, avoiding my gaze while he nods.

I let go of him to stamp my foot on the sand. "Those fuckers had no right! Bet Sam was the ringleader, huh? Paul right behind him! Can't stand Sam always thinking he's the leader of the Pack when he's nothing but a fucking flabby loser!"

"Forget it, Jake," Edward says. "It was long ago; but after that encounter I lost the will to search for you. Sam said you were better off without me and I believed him."

"Sorry, man, I'm so sorry." I lower my chin, whispering sadly. "Sam and the rest are gonna hear from me. They had no right to decide for me. Worst of all, they had no right to gang up on you and beat you!"

I close my eyes, finally admitting the truth. I can't bear the thought of Edward being hurt, because in all my dark fantasies I made him cry and beg, but I never ever beat him.

I squat over the sand and lean forward to grab my knapsack, opening the zipper to rummage inside until my fingers close around soft cloth. I stand up and throw the big towel over the ground, cocking my chin at it. "Sit down, Edward. We have to talk."

He nods and lowers his hips, pulling up his legs close to his chest as he wraps his arms around his shins. The look of resignation on his face tugs painfully at my heart as I sit down on the other edge of the towel.

"I'm sorry you had to pass through all that, but it changes nothing, Edward. You hurt me so much!"

Edward nods jerkily, his striking profile contrasting sharply against the cloudy horizon.

"I was so mad at you, man!" I sigh. "I'm still mad at you, and sad to see you so broken. I'm angry at the pack because they hurt you – can't bear the thought of you being hurt." I pull up my thighs against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around my legs to keep myself from reaching out to Edward. I have to make him understand first. "I'm glad you're here, but I still hurt inside. My feelings are a mess right now, man. I've never met anyone else who could make my emotions ebb and flow so strongly, pulling these tides out of me so easily like you do, and I hate it." I rest my chin on my knees and close my eyes, breathing in the scent of the sea and Edward as I say in a low whisper, "And I love it too."

"Jake, I…"

I lift up my hand to shut him up. "Lemme have my say. D'ya know what I liked the best? Those mornings we spent in the meadow, my head on your warm chest, listening to your heartbeat while you quoted poetry to me from those books of yours."

Edward chuckles softly, the sound lifting up my spirits. "You hate poetry, Jake."

"Right, but I love the sound of your voice."

"You kept inserting your snarky comments."

"Hey, some of those lines were pretty silly."

Edward nods, tilting up his chin to gaze at the sky. "I loved the night we spent here to watch the lunar eclipse. You lit up that bonfire and I listened while you recounted the legends of your people as I cuddled next to you."

"Yep, it was cold that night."

"And you were so warm," Edward says wistfully. "God, I've missed your warmth!"

My fingers twitch with the urge to reach across the space that separates us to touch his face. I grip the edge of the blanket instead and doggedly go on. "Those moments were magical, but I wanted more. Wanted to go to the movies and parade you around, make that geek Mike Newton choke on his Coke when he saw us together. Wanted everyone to see how handsome you are. And you never gave me that."

"Jake, let me tell you…"

I shake my head and my words come out on a rush. "Do you understand why we can't ever be just friends? I'd want to touch you, brush my fingers through your tousled hair and hold your chin to whisper loving words into your ear. I can't bear to be near you without that, knowing we're worlds apart because people watch us and you don't want them to know we're together." I tuck my chin between my knees and say in a rough whisper, "You know what hurt the most about that wedding invitation? Knowing you didn't love Bella, that you were just going through the motions and what you felt for me wasn't strong enough to pull you out of the prison you've forged around your heart."

Edward takes a deep breath and turns towards me, his eyes shining in the slant of the late evening. "I came out to my family, you know."

* * *

_tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Warnings:** NC-17, graphic sex_

* * *

I sit up straight, my eyes widening in disbelief at Edward's words. "You came out?"

"It was a month after I called off the wedding. Alice kept nagging me; the annoying girl wanted to know the reason I dumped her precious Bella. She kept pushing me to the breaking point until I exploded when the family was having breakfast. I just blurted out it was because I loved you."

"What happened then?" I say quietly, afraid of his answer.

All the time I kept pushing him to come out, I thought I would be by his side when it happened – a shoulder to cry on if things turned nasty. But when I received the wedding invitation I felt sure he would never come out; it was the reason I left Forks without looking back. Had I known what would happen….

I worry my bottom lip, my fingers nervously gripping the edge of the towel as I wait to hear Edward's answer.

He doesn't say anything for a while; instead he curls his body tight around himself as if he wants to make himself invisible.

"I love my father, and I always wanted to fulfill his expectations," he finally says, his gaze lost in the horizon. "He's so perfect, so smooth and elegant, just like mother. They are the perfect couple, and I could do nothing wrong in their eyes. All my life I yearned to be worthy of their love."

I nod slowly, even though Edward can't see me. He's always projected that perfect aura which is an essential part of his appeal; and yet I recall that smooth façade cracking during a moment of weakness. The way his lips curled down in a defeated smile on the school parking lot while Jessica, Bella's friend with the huge rack, openly flirted with him and hinted Doctor Cullen had expressly invited her to Jasper's birthday party so she and Edward could be together.

"And then Bella came." Edward cants up his chin, glancing at me sideways. "I caught her arm when she slipped on the pavement as that truck was rushing by, missing her by scant inches. The girl looked so fragile, her shy smile so grateful when I saved her that I felt a rush of tenderness towards her." Edward twists his neck, his arm reaching out towards me but he stops just before he touches my shoulder, and then lowers his hand to place it palm flat on the sand. "I want you to know those emotions were but a pale shadow of what you make me feel, but it was so easy to fall into the game of trying to fulfill my parents' expectations. Especially when everybody fell in love with her. Bella seemed to fit so well into the family, and I could see how much she pleased my parents."

I clench my jaw in anger; it's on the tip of my tongue to tell Edward how false Bella was. I had watched her carefully, and saw the possessive smile on her thin mouth when Edward would wrap his arm around her shoulders; the gloating look she shot at Jessica and the other girls as she stepped into his Volvo in the parking lot of the school.

"I wanted so much to be normal," Edward says with a sigh, his fingers tracing patterns on the sand. "The kind of man my parents would be proud of. I wanted to fit into the life they had so carefully planned for me. I thought the pain of not seeing you would abate with time, but it never did." He lowers his chin, his hand patting the sand in a nervous gesture.

I nod to myself, my heart throbbing painfully at the anguish seeping through his voice.

"When I couldn't find you, I knew in my heart you were out of my life for good. The normalcy I craved all my life felt useless." Edward shivers and wraps his arms around his shoulders, rocking back and forth on his heels. "My life seemed grey and empty without the possibility of seeing you. Darkness all around just like the night of the lunar eclipse, only this time the moon wouldn't reappear and your warmth was gone forever."

I shake my head at myself. All this time I've pictured him living the grand life with Bella, playing the perfect husband with a straight face. It's never crossed my mind that he might be suffering like this, but I should have thought of that possibility, knowing how he tends to brood over the smallest things.

"So that morning I just blurted out of the truth, having had enough normalcy to last me for eternity," Edward says quietly. "I didn't care anymore about the expectations they heaped on me, for they had taken away my heart. I rued the day I so thoughtlessly pushed you out of my life."

Edward rests his chin on his knees and says nothing more. The silence stretches for a while, broken only by the occasional screeching of the gulls and oystercatchers in the distance.

"How did your family react?" I whisper, afraid of the answer. His tentativeness and the broken look on his face tell me they hurt him badly. He was all alone and I wasn't there to help him; I shake my head angrily at the thought.

"Everybody was silent on the kitchen table but Alice; she just screeched and dashed out of the house, which frankly came as a relief." He shrugs tiredly. "The rest of the family obviously didn't know what to make of it and they were uncomfortable."

Edward says nothing more, so I prod him gently. "Jasper?"

"He was fine with it." He turns to shoot me a weary smile. "You know how Jazz tends to think about things strategically. Actually, his matter-of-fact demeanor was a soothing balm in the days that followed, but unfortunately the calmness I felt in his presence vanished too soon. His sense of duty caused him to enlist in the Army. Two weeks after I came out, he went to boot camp; now he's serving in the Middle East and his tour of duty ends next year."

I nod solemnly at that, offering a silent prayer to Q'wati for his safe return. Jasper always treated me with the charming manners of a gentleman.

Choosing a safe subject, I ask him, "How about Emmett?"

Given the big guy's penchant for clowning around and poking fun at everything, I'm positive he supported Edward.

"Emmett gave me the worst ribbing ever and then he wrapped me in one of his bear hugs," Edward says, a fond smile lifting the corners of his lips. "He got a job in a forestry company in Northern California a month after Jasper left, and of course Rosalie grumbled about it but ended up moving with him."

There's a wistful look in Edward's eyes when he talks about his brothers which makes me suspect something went awry.

"And your parents?" I say softly, waiting on tenterhooks for his answer. It's nice that his brothers supported him, but given the way Edward looks up to his father, I know his reaction must have been crucial in how he coped with this.

"Well, they didn't throw me out or anything, or even shout at me. But they treated me differently, like I had acquired an incurable disease and had to be handled with kid gloves." He hangs his head in shame. "The pride in my father's eyes at my academic achievements was gone. My parents treated me coldly, impersonally, like I was a stranger that wore their son's clothes."

"I'm sorry, Edward." I sigh brokenly at my empty words. There's nothing I can do that will change the past. The way his parents treated Edward makes me appreciate my Dad so much more. I'm still resentful that he kept silent about Edward looking for me, but I suspect he did it to protect me.

Dad treated me the same after I came out to him, accepting the news with a shrug. Gotta admit there's a special bond between us, since we've spent so much time together; or maybe it is the same wisdom that made him an Elder of the tribe.

Edward nods slowly and tilts up his chin to stare at the sea. "Carlisle clammed up and hardly spoke to me anymore. He gave up his dream of my becoming a doctor and following on his footsteps. And with my brothers gone, the silence in that house was more than I could stand."

"So what did you do?"

"I used part of my trust fund and enrolled in the School of Music at the University of Washington." Edward glances at me, his lips pursed in a thin line. "I rented an apartment and I have a few acquaintances, but that's all. I haven't met anyone who evokes the feelings you do." He cocks his chin at the path that leads out of the beach. "Yesterday I was on campus and overheard two professors talking about this project. Your name came up and I just knew I had to come here to see you one last time, even if you beat me up like your friends."

I tilt down my chin to stare at the ground, my vision blurry due to the sheen of unshed tears that covers my eyes.

"It's just hard for me at the moment, Jacob. Sometimes I feel so alone." His voice breaks in a sob. "In this ocean of loneliness, I scream and no one hears."

The pain in his voice is more than I can stand so I twist my shoulders and launch myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his back and holding him against my chest. I rest my chin on his shoulder while I rock him back and forth, all the while murmuring soothingly, "I hear you, man, loud and clear. You're not alone, Edward. I'm with you and I hear you."

Edward sobs quietly, his arms tight around me.

"The words I told you, Edward?" I breathe the words against his ear. "They're nothing but the truth. You're the only one that can make me feel like this; sad and happy, angry and cheerful. No one else has the power to pull this tenderness and love out of me so easily."

"Jacob, I'm in lov…" I put my finger on his lips to shut him up. He's been nothing but honest with me today. It's obvious in the pain and loneliness that laces through his every word. His honesty compels me to tell him the truth. If we start again and give in to our obvious passion, it must begin with the truth. The thing is, I don't know if he will accept it.

"Hush, beloved. Before you say those words, there's something I have to tell you." I let go of him gently, patting his shoulder before I scoot back on my knees a safe distance away.

"I've had lovers," I say bluntly, my gaze straying to the horizon. "Two of them. They were nice guys, easy to be with and they taught me things. We just never hit it off at a deeper level, though, and the relationships ended kind of fast. One of them was what you might call a power bottom."

"So you've topped?"

"Sure, sure." I nod slowly. "I always wanted to do it with you; dreamed that you would be the first guy I fucked, but you always insisted we should wait for the perfect moment."

"And that moment never came," Edward says with a sigh. "I was afraid, Jake."

Seeing my frown, Edward raises his hand to brush his fingers on my brow. "Not afraid of the pain or that it would be awful. I feared I would like it too much and become more addicted to you than I was." He shakes his head ruefully. "You see, at that time I still wanted to fit in and deluded myself into making things easier for me. But I denied my body the pleasure it craved."

"So you're ok with what I've told you?" I look at him sharply.

"Jacob, I left you alone and ran like a coward from the love that had grown between us. I never expected you to remain celibate. I'm just glad you've had companionship, that you went on with your life." He leans forward and rubs his forehead against my brow, muttering, "I envy your strength."

He scoots back and shoots me a vicious glare. "Just know that if we start something, I'll expect you to be only mine. I'm willing to kiss you silly in the middle of the campus just to prove to all those guys and girls that drool over your perfect body and chiseled face that you're taken. I want them to know who you belong to."

His possessive words make me shiver, my arousal twitching against the soft cloth of my Speedos.

Edward stands up and brushes the sand off his slacks with the back of his hands.

I follow suit, my joints creaking at the sudden movement. Then I step towards him and poke his chest. "I'll expect the same. No more Bellas, ever."

"Deal."

"Deal."

"Right here is the one competitor you won't get rid of." I beam at him and then thrust my chin at the chopping sea behind the long stretch of beach that's been exposed by the low tide. "I love the ocean, man! The cliff you mention? Love diving and letting the sea swallow me in its cold embrace. I want to study it, to always live near the shore."

Edward nods slowly, a tentative smile blooming on his face.

"Dr. Hayes is right, you know." I shrug. "I'm just a little cog in the machinery they've set up, but I'm proud of it. I intend to get a degree in Marine Biology and work in that field. Don't expect me to play some kind of househusband and be at your command."

"I wouldn't want that." He shoots me that crooked smirk that warms my blood. "I've always liked your drive; it's one of the things that attract me to you apart from your perfect body. Watching you tinker with your car until it runs perfectly? The way your brow purses in concentration while you carve your wood into art? It's part and parcel of the man I'm in love with."

My heart soars at the words coming from his lips which I have waited so long to hear, and I miss the gist of what he says next.

"… follow you wherever you go, since a composer needs but his piano and paper music to bring the notes to life." Edward shuffles his feet and gazes up at the darkening sky tinted with the brush of dusk.

"On that note, I guess it's time I make my way back to the hotel," he says.

We enter the phone numbers in our mobiles and promise to meet in Seattle. Then Edward starts to walk away and waves his arm in farewell.

The surf rumbles heavy in my ears, but I know it's heightened by the blood that rushes through my head at the sight of his lanky body walking away from me, his footsteps on the sand slowly fading away as the waves lap them up.

I ball my fists, my breath ragged at the thought of letting Edward walk away from me. So many things have passed in the stretch of a few hours, so many emotions grip my heart that I have to taste him right away. I need to stake my claim on him because my body is pulled towards him by a relentless tide which I'm unable to resist.

"Hey, Edward!" I shout joyfully.

He pauses and turns his head, the sea breeze ruffling his tousled hair as he sees my arms open wide. "Come to me!"

I walk forward, the soles of my trainers dragging on the wet sand, the knapsack swaying against my hips. Edward starts running towards me, shooting me a boyish grin as our strides get longer and faster.

I'm panting by the time we meet in the middle of the beach. There is silence between us as I cup his chin between my fingers and lean up to lap at the seam of his mouth.

The gulls fly high in the sky, dark commas against the twilight sky which is thick like a blanket covering us, dark ochre lining its edges painted by the setting sun.

Edward opens his mouth and I thrust my tongue inside, moaning when his lips close around me and he sucks on it. My fingers trace a path down his slim flanks, closing around his hips and pulling him towards me, our cocks rubbing against each other through the layers of cloth.

Edward runs his hands over my bare chest, caressing the hollow of my collarbones, his fingertips light as a feather fall down on heated skin before his thumbs touch my nipples to tweak them.

He swallows my groans and I break the kiss, thin strands of saliva joining our lips. I swipe my thumb over my mouth and then rub my forehead against his warm skin to gaze at his eyes, the green almost swallowed up by dark lust. "Wanna have you right now, Edward. Bend you over that rock and rip off your pants, have you lick my fingers to prep you. Twist them inside you until you open up, watch your hungry body clenching around them until you beg me to fuck you."

Edward groans at that, his hips thrusting reflexively against me, seeking relief through the friction between our dicks.

"Wanna fuck you like a wild wolf mounts his mate; see you writhing under me until you come on my cock, your seed falling to the sand. Then sink to my knees and clean up your swollen hole until it's slick and twitching, eager to get fucked again."

"Do it, Jake! Want to feel you inside me!" His usual smooth voice is so reedy with need that heat coils heavy on my groin, the wet patch on my Speedos uncomfortably dragging against my cockhead.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and brush my fingers along the perfect plane of his cheek. "We can't do it here, beloved. People from the university are bound to show up to check the instruments and they will see us."

Edward growls at me, pushing my chest away. "Fucking teaser! You just love to rile me up, don't you?"

"There might be some truth in that," I say with a shrug. "But I'm also in love with you and want this first time to be special. It certainly won't be with all that sand stuck to our wet bodies."

"So let's go to your place," Edward says, taking deep breaths to calm down. It's really a pity because his flushed cheeks, smoldering gaze and tousled hair make him look so fuckable it hurts.

"We can't go to Dad's; there's no privacy with Rachel and Sarah there. We could go to Embry or Quil's, but I'm bound to end up beating them up for what they put you through."

Edward shakes his head and wraps his fingers around my wrist, pulling on my arm as he starts walking toward the path that leads out of First Beach. "There's an easy solution; let's go to my hotel room."

"Fine, man. I'll follow you in my car." I stroll alongside Edward as the dying sun sinks below the sea, our shadows stretching into the horizon joined together at last.

* * *

oOoOo

The soft lamplight limns Edward's head in a bronze halo as he sits down on the bed to pat the rumpled sheets next to him. I set the knapsack upon the carpeted floor, leaning down to zipper it open and fish inside for the lube and condoms.

Toeing off my trainers, I glance at Edward while he leans down to pull off his loafers and his socks.

I bend down over Edward's lap to place the lube and condoms on the nightstand, taking the opportunity to undo the buttons of his cotton shirt, exposing his creamy alabaster skin to my hungry gaze.

Edward's breathing hitches when he lays his head on the pillow while I nibble on his dark nipple, my fingers brushing along the ridges of his abs. My other hand splayed on his hip is trapped between soft cotton and the smooth groove of the perfect V of his hip.

My tongue traces a path up his chest, licking the hollow of his collarbone. Edward runs his fingers through my hair, gripping it hard as he pulls me towards him, our mouths meeting in a wet, sloppy kiss. The angle is all wrong but we're in too much of a hurry and there are too many layers of clothes between us. Edward writhes under me, our trapped dicks eager to be free. I crouch over him as he props himself up on his elbows, my fingers tugging down his shirt off his shoulder and arms until he sits up and yanks his hands free, the shirt falling to the floor.

The mattress dips as I squat on my haunches next to him; I hook my thumbs around the waistband of my Speedos and peel them off with the sweatpants, twisting my hips and raising one calf and then the other to slip them off my feet. Edward's eyes widen at the sight of my throbbing dick, the head glistening with precome.

I grip the base of my shaft between thumb and forefinger. "Want a taste?" I growl.

Edward nods jerkily, making fast work of undoing the clasp of his slacks. I lean over him, my dick bobbing up and down while I help him undo his fly and hook my thumbs around the waistband of his boxers. He raises his hips as I slide them off his long legs, and then he twists his feet to push them to the corner of the bed.

I scoot forward on my knees and sit on his chest, my arousal bobbing above his chin.

"You're gagging for cock, aren't you?" I sway my hips so my dick slaps his cheeks, leaving glistening trails of precome upon his smooth skin. Edward cants up his chin, his tongue chasing my cockhead until I shove my hips forward, the flared head easily sliding into his hungry mouth.

I groan as his tongue swirls around my cockhead, the wet tip pushing into my slit. I pump my hips to sheathe myself, inch by inch, into his hungry throat while I look at his mouth stretched around my girth, twisting my arm to reach back so my fingers ghost the length of his throbbing dick as I chuckle darkly, "So you like your mouth stuffed full of cock, huh?"

Edward grips my ass and pulls me towards him until I'm sunk all the way in. I luxuriate in the sopping wet tightness squeezing me, his tongue flat against the underside of my dick. I shudder at the exquisite feeling and pull back, mindful of his gag reflex, my cock leaving his lips with a popping sound while strands of saliva connect us for a moment.

Edward whimpers in need while my thumb swipes the spit and precome sliding down his chin. "Such a great cocksucker, Edward. It's time to feed your other hungry hole."

Edward wiggles under me as I undulate over his body, slowly and teasingly; the wild look in his eyes tells me he's out of his mind with lust. My cock leaves a wet trail down his chest and abs until it rubs against his arousal, our cockheads briefly touching in an obscene kiss.

I crouch over him and thrust my chin at the nightstand. Edward takes a while to react, his eyes glazed with lust until I rub his knee. "On the nightstand, Ed. Unless you want me to fuck you using your spit as lube?"

Edward grabs the bottle of lube and the condom and passes them to me. My thumb rubs over the green wrapper while I leer down at him. "Green like your eyes, and soon it'll be nestled deep inside your tight ass."

Edward moans, a drop of precome glistening on the tip of his cock. I bend down to swirl my tongue around the slit, greedily lapping up the salty flavor that is uniquely Edward's.

Raise my head to look right into his eyes while I nibble the flange of his wet cockhead. "You taste so good, Ed. God, I missed you so much!"

He bucks his hips wildly at that, moaning. "Please, Jacob."

"What do you want, Edward?" I whisper against his twitching cock and then lick a path down the shaft, along a prominent vein that throbs at the touch of my raspy tongue.

Hook my forearm under Edward's knees and push them up. He gets the point and wraps his hands over the back of his knees, pulling up his legs until he's spread to my gaze, all wanton and needy.

"Want you to…" he trails off.

I sit back on my knees and uncap the bottle, upending it over my hand. I rub my palms and fingers together to warm the lube and then reach out to swirl my thumb along the crease of his ass, tracing a path on the soft skin between his cheeks, my finger rubbing now and then his twitching hole as I drive him out of his fucking mind with lust.

"You want me to do what?" I sneer while Edward thrusts up his hips, chasing my thumb until I sink it inside him to the first knuckle. Rub his walls gently, my gaze drawn to the place where I breach him.

"Look at your hungry hole, it's sucking me right in!"

Edward jerks his hips, impaling himself on my thumb. I lower my face to lave his stretched rim, nibbling gently on the sensitive skin as Edward whimpers.

I slide my thumb out of his greedy ass and then sink two slick fingers inside him, bending the knuckles to jab his prostate. Edward grunts and I look at his face, my gaze fixed on his fucked-out, swollen lips. He grimaces at the burn, and l lean down to lick his pulsing rim.

"It gets better, I promise. You'll feel so good you'll want my cock day and night."

"Please, please fuck me," he says in a wrecked voice that makes my dick throb.

"Since you said the magic word…" I sit back on my knees, ripping the wrapper with my teeth. I stretch the condom with my forefingers and slide it down my cock. Then I grab the bottle of lube and pour it down my shaft, spreading it around with my wet fingers.

The mattress squeaks as Ed thrashes on the bed while I guide my dick towards his entrance, the fingers of my other hand spreading his ass. Rub my blunt head around his slick hole while Edward bucks his hips towards me, moaning piteously.

The sight of him wiggling under me and the way his hole twitches with need finally snap me out of my teasing mode. So I thrust my hips, my cockhead smoothly breaching his entrance, his rim expanding around me until I'm sunk midshaft.

I pause for a while, letting him adjust to the stretch while my hands ghost over his sweaty flanks, my fingers touching his own, which are holding the back of his knees. I shudder as his tight heat flutters around me.

Edward props himself up on his elbows and lowers his thighs to wrap his legs around my waist. "More," he groans as his heels pull me towards him.

I fuck my hips into him until I bottom out, his ass clenching hard around me. I twist my hips to rub my dick around his walls until he raises his hips and shouts, "Move, dammit!"

"You're such a pushy bottom, man!" I say with a crooked grin as I lean over him, my feet flat on the bed. I slide my dick out of him teasingly slow and then pump my hips into him hard and fast. The sharpened angle allows my cock to nudge his prostate.

"Harder, harder," he says, before he starts babbling incoherently.

I willingly obey, plowing into his tight ass hard and fast, rotating my hips when I bottom out and changing the rhythm. Slow and deep, and then hard, shallow and fast. Want to make him forget his pain, fuck his loneliness out of him until I am all he can think about.

My fingers slide down the crease of his thighs until I reach the place where we are joined. My fingers trace his swollen rim, a fingertip sliding into his stretched hole briefly to rub inside his walls.

Seeing the way his eyes roll back on his head, I wonder if I can make him come on my cock with no other stimulation.

I look down at his abs, his cock bobbing around as the force of my thrusts pushes us towards the headboard.

"Please touch me," he moans.

Sweat drops fall down my forehead and chest to fall on his abs. I glance at his thick cock and my entrance twitches with the need to feel him inside me once more. Perhaps in Seattle. God knows we'll have plenty of chances, studying at the same university.

I take pity on him and wrap my fingers around his slick dick, swirling my thumb around the crown. I pump his cock with the same rhythm I'm fucking him as his walls squeeze hard around me, tight as a vise.

Spurts of come seep between my fingers to dribble down on his abs as he comes with a muffled shout, his hole clenching hard around me. The exquisite tightness is too hard to resist and I fuck into him wildly, my balls slapping against his ass until I come with a hoarse grunt.

I lay down on him, completely exhausted. Kiss his cheek and my thumb tenderly wipes the sweat off his forehead.

Raising myself on my elbows, I slide carefully out of him. Then I scoot back to the bottom of the bed and pinch the condom between my thumb and forefinger, sliding it off me and tying it in a knot before I stand up and make my way to the bathroom to drop it in the wastebasket.

Grab a couple of towels and go back to the bedroom, cleaning myself and then Edward, taking care to rub gently against his swollen entrance. He bucks slightly towards me, chasing the touch of my thumb.

"You're greedy for more, aren't you?" I whisper.

Edward grunts, his eyelids fluttering after the powerful orgasm. I drop the towels on the floor and lay myself lengthwise alongside him, cuddling up to him, my arms wrapped tightly around his chest.

I close my eyes briefly, luxuriating in the warmth of his body next to mine, listening to the rhythm of his breathing which soothes me like the rumble of the surf on First Beach. I smile tiredly when it becomes regular and deep. Edward is falling asleep, as he should after this trying day.

I ruffle his hair gently, mouthing kisses on his shoulder. "You're mine, Edward, and I'll never let you go now."

"I feel the same, Jacob. I had to come back to you to drown in your warmth like the ocean you love," Edward whispers roughly. Obviously I wasn't as quiet as I should have been. Doesn't matter though; his voice comforts me as it has always done.

I lean forward to trace the shell of his ear with my tongue and whisper softly, "You're the moon that rules the tides of my heart."

* * *

**THE END**


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